How Coaching Improves Well-Being
It helps clients meet their basic psychological needs.
According to Self-Determination Theory (Deci & Ryan, 2000), the three things we need for optimal satisfaction are autonomy, competence, and relatedness. These are psychological needs, without which we may feel unsatisfied at best, and at worst deeply lonely and depressed. Because coaching addresses all three, it can significantly contribute to improved psychological well-being.
Autonomy
One of the basic principles of coaching is that you do not tell the client what to do—you ask them the right questions so they discover their own true desires and solutions. Providing solutions for them undermines their autonomy and they are generally much less likely to follow through. You get stuck in a game of “Why Don’t You, Yes But”.
Over the course of a lifetime, people are socialized to suppress their impulses and desires and put other people first. This enables society to function but can cause people to become disconnected from themselves and what brings them joy. By exploring a client’s values, habits, and triggers, I aim to help my clients become more aware of what they truly want so they can act in a more authentic way and make decisions that serve them. I help clients stop people-pleasing, set boundaries, tackle procrastination, and become more proactive. This is not about making people self-absorbed, but helping them to thrive and become more effective.
Competence
Many people have a fierce inner critic. This is useful to a degree because it helps people meet the expectations of society but it can undermine self-confidence and self-belief and lead to impostor syndrome. By asking a client to reflect on their strengths and past successes, and examining and removing limiting beliefs, I help clients build a healthier—and more accurate—view of themselves than their harsh inner critic allows.
I also work with clients to tackle negative thought patterns and build positive new habits as this contributes to a more positive self-image. Setting and achieving small and large goals—another integral part of coaching—helps a client feel more confident, capable, and optimistic.
Relatedness
The third area involves helping people build better relationships and connections with others, whether in the workplace or at home. The aim is to strike a balance between assertively stating one’s own needs and thoughts, and showing empathy and compassion for the other person’s perspective. I help clients learn to ask what others need from them, as well as how to ask for help when they need it.
Lastly, a key part of coaching is helping clients develop their own support and accountability system to continue after the coaching relationship ends.
